How to deal with family drama this festive season …. It starts with a question

They say it’s the season to be jolly – but the truth is that the festive season can also bring all sorts of other emotions. We argue about overspending on gifts for relatives we see once a year, visitors arrive unannounced and overstay their welcome, that Aunt or cousin always comments on the food, then there’s that family member that always causes a scene during the holidays – you know that one (hopefully you are not that one!). Sometimes it’s hard to find the festive in all the relational drama.

While we can’t change the families or communities we’re born or married into, we can change how we approach people that frustrate us this festive season. It starts by asking a question. Such as:

• What can you and I do better to make this a less stressful time for our family?
• I noticed you didn’t seem like yourself at the lunch – is there something bothering you?
• What would make this holiday more meaningful or special to you?
• What’s one disappointment or hurt you’re dealing with right now?
• What are you grateful for this past year?

But also take some time to consider your own feelings, and ask yourself questions, such as:

• What parts of the festive season do I enjoy, and what parts make me anxious?
• What is it about this person that upsets me – and what can I do to understand them better?
• What part am I playing in adding to the drama – and how can I add less drama?
• How can I bring meaning or joy to the holiday?
  
  

Sometimes simply asking a question, respectfully, gets someone to consider the impact of their behaviour on others – and it also allows us to better understand each other.

May you add the festive into this season by simply asking more questions, and by truly listening before reacting.

Story-sharing for Families

Our festive gift to you is a free resource for you and your family. Whether you’re camping in the mountains, at the sea, or in your backyard, here are some simple ideas to help you get to know your family members better. The resource includes questions for adults – and children!

Access the free resource

https://www.heartlines.org.za/wys/church/courses/wys-for-families