Fatherhood is no child’s play for Afro Daddy
When Terence Mentor walks into the room, it’s impossible not to notice the oversized afro he wears on his head, camera in hand and air of confidence, energy and certainty he has about him.
He’s clearly a man who takes life in his stride.
For him, being a confident man is not just about hanging out with the boys, watching sport and downing beers for entertainment, he finds joy in being a committed husband and present father in the lives of his wife Julie and two sons Liam (5) and Eli (4).
Heartlines was pleased to have Terence, who goes by the name Afro Daddy, at the recent fatherhood message design conference, as he is clearly a man who understands the important role fathers play in the lives of their children.
Not only does he live this experience to the fullest, he takes pride in documenting the life he shares with his family on social media, as well as runs a blog called Father Focus and a YouTube channel advocating for positive and active father presence.
“I started my multimedia platforms five years ago. When I became a dad, I noticed that my wife had many platforms to help her with motherhood, there were blogs for moms created by other moms and social groups that are supportive of women in this stage of their lives,” he says.
“I couldn’t find anything for dads so I started Afro Daddy with the aim to assist fathers in their journey of fatherhood.”
Terence says he didn’t want a social media page that portrayed a stereotypical man with content on sports and alcohol.
“I give a father’s perspective about certain things that women are frustrated about when it comes to their partners and how they engage with their families,” he says. “I share a perspective of why fathers struggle to do the things women expect them to do by talking about my experiences and the experience of other fathers that I know.”
Terence is not concerned about being cool and trendy; he is less concerned about the number of followers he has and more about impact.
“I don’t put up content that people think is fun, if I can challenge one father to question how he engages with his children, then I’ve fulfilled my purpose,” he adds.
The reality, however, is that men were not quick to engage with his content, and he found a lot of support from mothers.
“I do at times find men who tell me about how they relate with my content and feel less lonely in their journey of fatherhood. But, I want men to have a bigger voice,” he says.
“I understand that we are a patriarchal society where men’s voices are dominant, but this is not so in the parenting sphere. Men need to open up about feeling inadequate or scared, as well as feeling joy and love for their families because that’s what the men around them are going through.”
When you think of the things that go into a well-rounded child, the cost of it all can get scary!
That's why you need to be smart about your financial future so that you can give them everything they need and deserve. #RealLifeAdvice#Ad@LibertyGroupSAhttps://t.co/D99tiUhLgmpic.twitter.com/cNJW2JSm2R
— AfroDaddy (@Terencementor) October 14, 2019
There’s a lot that needs to be done in our society to make dads feel more comfortable and confident with their children. “When people see me out with my children, they feel obliged to give me advice, like telling me my kids are not dressed warmly enough. There is an assumption that men don’t really know how to take care of their children,” he adds.
“I’m also concerned that people often seem surprised when they see me out and about with my children. I think the bar has been set low for dads. Spending time with your children in public spaces should be seen as the norm,” says Terence.
“Public spaces are also not always dad friendly. Some parking bays at the mall are clearly designated for moms and their children, I use it anyway. Also there are no change rooms in the men’s toilets for their children.”
Of his own father, Terence says he learnt the importance of being present in his children’s lives from him.
“My dad worked hard to be present and provide for us, he had challenges because his father was a soldier in World War 2 and when he returned home he had post-traumatic stress disorder and was violent. He wanted to break the cycle of poverty and abuse and had a very different relationship with my siblings and me. He set the foundation for me and today I want my two sons to be better fathers when they are older.”
Terence believes the Heartlines’ fatherhood project is an important step at engaging men and challenging them to think about their involvement in the lives of their children.
“For a long time I felt like I was a lone warrior, but it’s highly encouraging to see intelligent academics and civil society organisations coming together on this common cause. My platforms have been about my experience, but now research is showing the bigger picture and that there is a greater call for men to do things differently. I’ve always wanted to reach fathers wherever they are in their journey and social media is only one platform,” he says.
A government pamphlet can get lost in a clinic, and we know men don’t like going to the clinic; a tweet is not enough. We need to infiltrate what men are watching and listening to, and make sure that they receive the message in an impactful way. It’s not enough to make great content, we also need to make sure that it reaches men and is easily accessible,” he says.
Watch this video to see Afro Daddy’s experience and views about Heartlines’ fatherhood project:
https://youtu.be/Yqs918-QRjY
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